That's a long lead in for telling you that I quit my jewelry class, yes?
So I'll cut to the chase. I quit my jewelry class. Yep, that very same class that I was so excited about, the one that made me feel like a total badass. I am a jewelry school drop out. And I'm alternatively relieved and completely bummed about the whole enterprise.
I've never been very good at saying no. To myself included. I think I'm capable of doing a lot more than I can actually pull off well, and as a result I end up overcommitting and (far too often) underperforming. I currently have a super demanding job, two kiddos with crazy busy schedules and heaps of homework, and a household that I can barely manage. I never call my sweet sisters, I flake on friends on a regular basis, and I've become comically abysmal at answering e-mails (if I haven't answered your e-mail, I'm sorry). But hey, why not throw a weekly three hour metalsmithing class into the mix. I've always wanted to make jewelry, surely I need another challenge. Let's do this thing.
Suffice to say, I could not do this thing. Three hours right after work every Monday was not feasible no matter how "badass" it made me feel. So I quit, and I'm not usually a quitter, so that part, the quitting part, bummed me out. But I was also seriously relieved to not be doing one more thing. I want to do fewer things and do them better, rather than stay stuck in this "spectacularly average at everything" place I find myself.
Why am I telling you this (besides continuing in my trend toward completely bumming you out here on the blog)? Well when other people are honest (especially other mothers) about not being able to do it all, it makes me feel less, well...lacking. So I figured I'd pay it forward a bit. And also because putting it out there, owning it, tends to kick-start change for me. There's power in accountability.
So here's what I (think) I know...Sometimes it's ok to quit, to cry uncle, to regroup. I also know that this period I'm in will level out. I'll find my rhythm again, even if it's to a totally different song.