8.31.2012

On Recharging (Or At Least Trying To)


I have this friend that isn't so good with the "relaxing." We'll call her Kristie (because that's her actual name), and it is safe to say that she is a total rock star. She has two littles under the age of six and a pre-teen stepdaughter, she's entertains frequently, is a kick ass cook, and can tackle a house project involving sheetrock and sledgehammers like nobody's business. In moments of stress (i.e. her daughter starting kindergarten this week), she's been known to "bake it out" by making, say...three dozen handmade cinnamon rolls (unlike me who, in stressful situations, has been known to eat three dozen handmade cinnamon rolls.) Oh and she has an insanely important/busy/powerful job that has her testifying in front of congress and what not. She's on the go, making things happen... You get the idea. (For the record, she regularly cops to this inability to wind down, so I don't think I'm outing her here.)

Here's the thing, Kristie used to be the exception among women I know, but now this state of non-stop productivity seems to be the norm... Downtime is so 2011.  Or maybe it's just me, either way, I can't for the life of me wind down.

My past three weeks were a literal blur as I was finishing the first issue of D Moms and getting the girls ready to start school. I was up at the crack of dawn, go, go, go, then fall into bed exhausted and start all over again the next day. And then, well...I finished. The first issue was done, and I got the girls all settled into their first day of school on Monday. When I arrived at work, I was hit head-on with a major wave of melancholy. It felt like the day after my wedding. I had post-project depression.

This is normal, I realize, this sort of "coming down" from something so intense, but four days later, and it's still hanging on a bit. I'm worried that I'm losing my ability to function like a normal human much less recharge. In this small and precious window of a relatively relaxed schedule, I should be hitting the museum or tucking into a book (or at least the mountain of September magazines that have taken over the corner of my bedroom) or you know, doing anything productive. But instead, I'm in a perpeptual state of "dazed and confused." I stare at my computer screen for unreasonably long stretches. I stood in my closet for a full 10 minutes this morning trying to figure out what to wear before eventually putting on a black t-shirt and black pants. I pondered the ingredients of some fancy margarita mix in the aisle at Central Market for an embarrassingly long amount of time yesterday after work. I feel stunted. It's a bad scene.

My current thinking is that my inability to motivate means my body and mind might just need to do nothing at all...I might just need to sit and stare at a wall for a bit. Sadly, we have a culture that doesn't really support that kind of inactivity, but I'm going to do it. I'm not afraid (well I'm a little afraid). And if the staring doesn't work, I'm going to walk over to Kristie's house and bake it out.

I feel a lot of cinnamon rolls in my future.

13 comments:

apieceoftoastblog said...

downtime is sooo 2011. you hit the nail on the head. i think i am the freak that thrives during under the gun pressure - unless i have a deadline that is so close there are minutes before i get in trouble for being late, i won't work on it. it's why i wake up at 5am to write blog posts that publish at 7am that day and why when i have "down time" i sit on the couch and stare at bravo tv and the kardashians. it's totally weird. i need some mojo! i need to not procrastinate! but inspiration never strikes till *right* before the deadlines creep up. haha - this is such a long comment i should have turned it into one of my monday toast talks!
can't wait to see you sooooon....
xx
.Molly

baroness said...

woah. this one hit a nerve...

Tamsin North said...

Looking at the picture, I kept expecting you to tell us that you had bought a meditation pyramid to solve all your unwinding problems. Maybe one with a lock on it? :)

katie//salt+pine said...

Girl, you need to move up here if you want downtime! It's all anyone does! :) It took me a good two years to get used to how slowly everything moves. It's an adjustment, but slowing down (even if just for a bit) really helps...I do recommend it.

UrbanChiqueNess said...

I hear you and guess what..haven't had a real vacation in one year. Took 3 weeks off to unwind and now I am so unwound I don't know I will function in the real world next week. I have been living in a bikini everyday for 21 days, getting dressed should be interesting, not to mention work and school. I may need to come bake.
xo
E

Anncherkis said...

I'm a screenwriter and I too have intense deadlines, along with a very animated 4 1/2 year-old daughter. After I've worked my ass off to turn a script in on time (which, by the way, NO ONE does in Hollywood), I'm a total zombie. Can't do anything for at least a week, more like two. I think what you're experiencing is quite normal (though not easy in the least). As a P.S., I love, love your blog. I look forward to reading it before I go to sleep here in Los Angeles. Your honesty about how hard it is to do it all is so refreshing. P.P.S.: You have incredible taste. --Ann

Katie said...

Like the other reader said - this struck a cord! It is so easy to keep the momentum going sometimes and relaxing and shifting down is so incredibly tough to do. even on vacation I am packing it all in!

G said...

I love your blog, makes me feel normal! kids, careers, deadlines, side jobs, home chores,homework, husbands, etc - sometimes I/we feel zapped.
Hope you feel re-energized soon!

www.foundationvintique.com

About Last Weekend said...

I'm such a slacker Mum compared to you. I really really don't know how you do it all and you've earned that stack of time with the September Issues.

michele said...

yes yes yes. you're inside my head, joslyn.

i have the stacks of magazines and books that SHOULD appeal and beckon. the articles to write on topics that excite me.

it's gotta be a re-entry after summer or somethin.

thank you for articulating it so well. a comfort really.

smiles.

michele

Shelly said...

Hello. I understand and have been know to embrace the Go Go Go! life.

Recently, I moved to a small town in Australia (from S Calif.) with the husband and three littles. Life has really.....slowed....down.

The amazing thing is, the more we slow down the more our productivity seems to increase (we both work from home). It leaves me to think that the perspective in which we arrive with is integral to the experience we have with the day/project/fill in the blank.

Megan Taylor said...

You deserve many hours of zoning out!!! However you do it, I hope you find some inner relaxation and coziness, xoxo

Kim said...

Yipes! That is disconcerting. I ws reading it and thinking about how comfortable you've always been being uniquely you. So busyness and mind-numbing levels of productivity are becoming increasingly common? Now is not the time to copy-cat. I hope you will see that you have earned the right to be completely un-productive. It really is OK to take care of yourself.